Five Reasons The Nintendo Switch Is Better Than The Playstation Vita (Satire)

Formerly known as the Nintendo NX, the Nintendo Switch will become the new king of portable gaming. Crushing everything that comes before and after it, including the Nokia N-Gage. But instead of discussing trivial matters like technical specs or the hype machine, I have organised a list of five extremely compelling reasons why the Switch is superior to the Playstation Vita.

1. The Legend of Zelda.

Everybody recognises and loves Link, sometimes called Zelda for some reason. It seems every week there is a new Kickstarter trying to make a live action adaption or product based on Zelda but gets taken down by Nintendo's lawyers. I'm pretty sure I've never seen a Kickstarter for an Everybody's Golf or Killzone film on Kickstarter, because nobody cares about Sony. Lets not forget that Rule #34 favours Nintendo's IPs FAR more than Sony's IPs.

2. It actually has games

The initial trailer showcased a total of five games and even though Skyrim and NBA 2K17 have not been officially confirmed by their publishers, three is still a higher number than zero. Which is the total number of games in the Vita library since I've been told by random people on the net, the Vita has no games. It must be factual because the internet never lies.


 

3. Nobody wants to affiliate themselves with Vita owners.

If you look at any advertisement for the Vita, it usually shows a single, lonely person playing the Vita by himself. What a loser! Vita ownership automatically makes you a social outcast and a complete bogan. The Switch on the other hand attracts people with red cups like a party in those Hollywood films. This is the ultimate verification of your superiority above all manner of creature, both animal and human.

4. The Controller looks like a cute puppy.

While the Vita looks like a giant lump of someone's vomit after consuming too much grog.

 
5. Adult films look better on a 720p screen.

The Switch will sport a 720p screen, while the Vita has a tiny, puny 544p screen. Henceforth all adult films are going to look better on the Switch. Why do you think there is an article every other week about someone finding adult images on a used 3DS? Portable consoles are designed for viewing smut with games being a very very very distant second.